Saying Yes to Life,
“Saying YES, to all of Life”
Relating From Big Mind
When strong emotions arise in the midst of a conflict, it’s generally best to keep quiet, to spend some time in meditation. It’s certainly better to avoid getting hooked into self-justification and blame—which is what inevitably happens when we open our mouths while gripped by flaring emotion.
When we relate to others from our small mind—with all its desires, opinions, and judgments—we relate only to the small mind of the other. And thus we stay caught in a diminished life that guarantees distress.
When we relate to another from the big mind—from spacious awareness—we relate to the deepest nature of the other as well. This is the path from conflict to communion.
Anger and Blame in Relationships
All of our defensive maneuvers in relationships, especially our anger and blame, are born out of fear—of rejection, of being alone, of being controlled, of not getting what we want, of intimacy, of inadequacy, of unworthiness. The path to harmonious relationships requires acknowledging and facing these fears. In relationship difficulties, only by being directly present with our core pain—not as a concept, but as a complex of uncomfortable bodily sensations—can we take a step beyond thinking, beyond self-justifying, and beyond the enslavement of our narrow agendas.
Breathing into Loss
When facing calamities, we can certainly tell ourselves to “be strong,” or comfort ourselves with words about .the “mysterious ways” in which the universe works. But invoking these as mere attitudes, without the corresponding inner understanding, is just another way of burying our experience, armoring our heart against fear and pain. When feeling sadness and loss, we can’t simply use slogans to surrender to the moment; rather we must actively bring awareness to the physical reality of the situation. By breathing the physical-emotional sensations of loss directly into the center of the chest, we can experience the healing power of the vast and spacious heart. Breathing our loss into the chest undermines the seductive power of tragic thoughts. Even though sadness may remain, it’s possible to experience a lightness inside the dark, unencumbered by the weight of our melodramatic scenarios.
Stuck in Despair
When ever you are stuck in distress, penetrate your confusion with this question:
- What is my most believed thought right now?
source- Saying, Yes to Life by Ezra Bayda